It is so bad to have a small body size?

courtesy photo…

Love is Blind.
Episode 6.

Love is not about what we think but what we believe

She took a pause and asked, “Do you call her daily now?” I replied, “No, I don‟t, rather she calls me daily” In an emotional tone she asked, “Does she love you?” I replied, “May be, but she is only a good friend for me.” She again asked, “Do you love her?”

I replied angrily “Shut up, I love only one girl and that is you. Do you know how much I have cried during last week when you didn’t respond to my calls? Do you know how much I love you?” She replied, “I am so sorry but I was annoyed with you. Something has happened in my family also which I will tell you in evening”. Then she cut the call.

My trick worked, I was very happy over that. But there was a guilty feeling in a corner of my heart as I had lied to the girl who trusted me like anything. But at that time I was very desperate for her, I wanted her to be back in my life at whatever cost it may be. I knew that it was wrong on my part to concoct a story about a girl who never existed in my life but I was satisfied that I had lied for the sake of my love for her, after all it is said that everything is fair in love and war.

She called me in evening, “Dear I was very angry with you” I replied, “I know I didn‟t respond to your calls that day, but I was not in a good condition, I had to go to hospital, my heart was paining very much. Doctor said that any delay in treatment would have been risky to my life”. I lied with so much confidence that she had to believe that. She replied, “Oh, really?”

I replied with confidence, “Yeah, I was thinking about you only. I wanted to share my pain with you, so I insisted on talking to you”

She said, “Ok but I didn‟t know that the situation was so grave. I was angry with you as you kept on calling me knowing the fact that there were relatives at my place. You must try to understand the limitations of a girl. Inspite of me feeling sorry, you were angry and didn’t respond to my calls. I thought that you don‟t understand me and my limitations”. Then I replied with confidence “Dear, try to understand me I was not well that night. I wanted to talk to you only and share my pain with you only. I did not tell my family about this”. She said, “It‟s not right; I know you trust me, but you should have told your family about it. You should take care in future and promise me that it will never happen again”.

“Ok dear, I will and promise you that it will not happen again” I replied. “One more thing, last Sunday my uncle came to our place and scolded me for rejecting the marriage proposal of police personnel. He also tried to make me realize that I was doing wrong to my mother by rejecting that proposal. My mother was also badly hurt and was in tears. She wants me to marry soon so that she is able to fulfill all her responsibilities. She is left alone to take care of us after the death of my father. I thought that I had some duty towards my mother also, so I was trying to put an end to our relation” she said.

I replied, “Dear, I will take care of you and your mother, your responsibilities are mine too. I love you very much.” She said, “I am also sorry for not attending to your calls and neglecting you, I am sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…..” Ok dear, don‟t be, I love you, I love you, I love you…..” after saying that I was lost in her dreams and had a sound sleep that night, almost a week.

So my plan was successful and went as desired by me but I was feeling guilty for having lied to the girl who trusted me so much and believed in my words. It was my second lie. I kept on sending messages to her and called her daily. She had kept my messages hidden in her phone and were locked with a security code. One day her sister asked her about the security code, but Agie resisted giving that. On it her sister cursed her a lot and asked her mother to marry her off on the pretext that otherwise she might bring disrepute to their family. She told me about the whole episode. I advised her to delete all the messages I sent. She said, “Why? I will not.”

I said in a serious tone, “Dear they will force you otherwise to get married very soon, which will not be good for both of us. ”She replied in a childish tone, “Can I come to your place?”
I said, “Why not dear? I love you.” She asked, “Will your family accept me?”

I said, “Dear ours is a very nice family, they will be very happy if you come to our place. Your sweet voice and laugh will make it a heaven.” She replied, “My sister always keeps an eye on me. I don‟t like that; I have my own life and if you are with me then what is the problem. Are you?” “Yeah dear, I love you and I will always be with you” I replied emotionally.

One day she went to the place of her cousin‟s fiancé. She had lunch there and called me after lunch. She said, “Dear I am at the place of my cousin‟s fiancé. They all are forcing me to visit his friend‟s place as they want me to marry him. He is in air force”

I asked, “Will you go there?” She replied angrily, “Are you mad? I have taken the decision and no one can change my decision”.
“What have you decided?” I asked with a little smile. “You know better and if you do not stop asking such silly questions, I will not talk to you” she said.

I laughed.” Ok dear, I am joking. What did you say to your relatives” I asked her. She replied, “I simply said that I didn‟t want to go there”. I respected her for trusting me without even meeting me.

Now I was sure about one thing that she really loved me and could go to any extent for me. But I was not sure if it was right or wrong on my part and felt that I was playing with her feelings though I was scared of losing my love. I was not sure how could she react on seeing me. But I had trust in my love.

One day my Agie called me and said, (Not sure if knew she was mine already)“Dear, I am feeling guilty as it was not good on my part to conceal the truth from my family. My mother trusts me and I am hiding the truth from her, it is not right”.

“What can be done dear?” I asked her.“I will tell my brother about you and he will meet you in December, Is it right? Can you meet him dear?” I replied hesitatly “Ok, as you wish”.
“I think it‟s not right to hide our relationship from the family, I am feeling very guilty.” She said.

“We love each other. If we are doing it for our good in long term then we are not at fault, I think. But if you want to tell this to your mother, then it is ok” I said. “No, I will first talk to my brother and then he will try to convince my mom” she replied. She did not have any real brother but she had a school friend whom she considered as her brother. “But what will I tell my brother, that we have never seen each other, isn‟t it strange?”
I asked, “So, what have you decided?”

“I have decided to lie to my brother and say that we met before. I know it is not right but how can I tell him that we love each other without even seeing each other.” she said. “Ok, as you wish” I replied. “Ok. I will ask him to meet you in December because then you shall be here for your Christmas holidays, take care, bye dear” Then she cut the call.

Now I was feeling very anxious and worried about her reaction when she would come to know of my health condition and now it was certain because she was going to ask her brother to meet me. It was sure that she would get hurt on knowing that as I had concealed this from her. I was thinking that she trusted me and I was playing with her feelings. Till now, I had been living in a hypothetical world, but now I realized the seriousness of our relationship. But it was my nature to take everything easy, so I didn‟t think much about it. I was convincing myself to let the things go on like that and not to worry about future repercussions. I was sure to handle the situation.

However I asked many questions to myself: “How will she react on seeing me?”“Is it right to hide the truth from her?”
“Is it right to break the trust of a person who loves you so much?”
“Does true love care about the looks and physical appearance of a person or is it simply a philosophy?”

“Is it right to tell her the truth and lose my love or is it right to act as a traitor and conceal the truth?” “How will her brother react on seeing my condition?”

“Does a person like me not have the right to love someone?” “Is love only for the rich and plus sized people maybe with six packs, and not for persons like me who is small like an HIV victim?”

“Will she respect me anymore on seeing me?” Now, I was out of my virtual world in which I was living for the last ten months.

This incident shook my emotions and forced me to think about the life without her, as I was sure that she would not be with me on seeing me. She was like any other normal girl in this world and not a unique one. That night I was sleepless and for the first time I asked God that why did He allow pain to His creatures, and why He did not create me like other people girls admire most especially girls of her class? and why had He chosen me only to bear all this pain?. I was in tears for not only the guilty feeling but as well as the fear of losing her. But I was also satisfied that at least someone loved me be it for few months, at least I also experienced the love.

What is love? Everyone has one‟s own interpretation of love. Some feel that it is nothing but simply infatuation; some others feel that it‟s a fun; still others feel that it is an emotion. They left others feel that emotion plus sex is love. But how can a person interpret it without feeling it. My interpretation of love is in following lines:

Love is the feeling which can never be explained but felt, it brings a person to a new height and at the same time give a person abysmal pain for which no antibiotic would be there, some people say that to posses your love may not be love but if you don’t get your love you would also be a lover. If you didn’t possess your love, then was it the true love? If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

Love for me is eternal feeling which can be diminished with death only, love can be done only once and rest is just life, that’s true, true love never fades, it will remain as young as a child, when you see your love, the glare of Hollywood would be less than that, it seems strange but that’s true, everyone must taste love once and must be strong enough to bear the pain, its really heartening.

In love, a person can learn many things from his beloved. The famous American writer Nicholas Sparks has rightly said about love in his novel “The note book”.

The last episode 7 is coming soon…..

By Casa.

6 Replies to “It is so bad to have a small body size?”

  1. Love is a beautiful thing and I believe everyone deserves to express love irrespective of their physical appearance or health state. I think you should just be confident of who you are and come out honestly. The sooner you do the better because then you will be truly sure if she looks you, as in the whole of you just the way you are.
    And hey, your size does not make you less of than you are really are.
    Darling, you deserve to be loved for you so stop being shy about your physical appearance.

    Liked by 2 people

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