I was happy for my girlfriend sleeping with another man in bed.

Sometimes I find it difficult to draft better titles for my blogs and now still I haven’t learnt. Don’t care about what I have put but enjoy the flows.

“We haven’t had sex in years though,” my partner explained.
I narrowed my eyes. Was she telling the truth? She made direct eye contact with me as she spoke and settled comfortably into the chair. It didn’t feel like she was lying.


I found myself smiling.
What a funny turn of events. I was now happy with my new girlfriend sleeping in the same bed with another man, as long as they weren’t having sex.
“Why are you smiling?”
“It’s just funny how things have turned out.”
“I didn’t mean things to be this way. I never could have predicted this.”
I nodded silently, feeling the familiar surge of emotion rise to my throat. As the tears welled, I looked up quickly to the ceiling. Tears were an automatic reaction. There was no need for them. I had already come to terms with this situation months ago. I didn’t want the tears. I wasn’t sad.
In the words of Ross Gellar, I was fiiiine. But, honestly, I was.

It had all started online.
After years of being single, I had decided to get specifics. I would find a lady who had the same kinks as me, so we could have an exclusive but no-strings-attached, hot sex arrangement. That was the plan. I had a busy life, dreams to focus on and no time for love. This would tick all my boxes at once.
And so a few months later, there I was talking to a complete stranger, in a beautifully lit and private Lake view bar in Mbarara. I couldn’t believe everything had worked out so well. This girl was perfect. She had paid for everything, ordered my food, and now we were having a heated debate about kinks.

What fun!.
Could it get any better? It turned out, the answer to that question was no. In fact, things took a turn for the worse. After one too many impulsive weekend breaks, beach getaways and expensive hotels, I realised two things.

Number one: I was falling in love. Number two: my new love was hiding something. On the night of our first sharing platter together (cheese and cold meats washed down with strong cocktails), the truth came out.

Watching her eyes shine with emotion, I dared to ask the question.
“Are you in a relationship?” I whispered. I knew the answer before it arrived. A nod and bow of the head told me everything. A knot formed in my stomach instantly and before I could do anything to stop them, the tears flowed. My fun had come to an end. Learning she wasn’t married didn’t bring any kind of relief to me. Sure, it stopped me walking out of the cocktail bar, there and then. But, it was based on a strange principle. So, it’s OK to cheat if you haven’t proposed to your girlfriend yet? Why did my morals make her having a boyfriend so much better than her having a husband?

It was twisted.
But, then so was everything. My frivolous, super indulgent but super temporary lifestyle had come to an end. My glimpse of how the other half lived had ended. And more importantly, so had my first experience of fun love.

Up until that moment in the cocktail bar, everything had been fun. It had been the first time I’d fallen in love easily without drama, argument or tears. I had always believed love had to come with pain. But, the last few months had taught me otherwise.

Now, I was faced with two choices. Be selfless and never see my new love again. Or be selfish and continue, knowing she had a boyfriend. Now, my Dad never cheated on my Mum, so this was not an easy decision to make.
My brain told me to leave
But if pressed it would change her mind. And my heart said stay, but also leave. Great. No one could help me with this one, not even my own organs. I felt frustrated at being forced to make such a rubbish decision.

After two weeks of thinking, I sent the text. I told her to unpause our relationship, to begin again. And wow we did.

Holidays increased, our parties become more intense and our times together more passionate. We were sacrificing a lot, and now we both knew it.

But, each time the party ended I was left lying awake in my bed questioning my morals. With the beer bottles all empty, the ringing silence of the room and the sobering light of the morning ready to stream through the curtains, I was left with one thought.
Did they sleep together in bed?
Or did they have a strict line down the middle? Did they sleep in full sleeve pyjamas away from each other? Or did their naked skin touch? Did her arm wrap around his body out of habit? Did they breathe together in unison, deeply asleep and peaceful? Their shared familiarity and effortless intimacy was something I would never have. And I had to live with that.

So, as the room silence descended and the clock told me it was 4am, I was left with the aching loneliness of knowing I was second best again. Alone in bed. Only good for a party or a weekend getaway, not a lifetime commitment. Never the groom, always the groomsman. But, who was I to feel sorry for myself? It was all on me.

I needed to marry not such woman.

On Sunday after church, some enthusiastic lady greeted me flamboyantly and I forgot to introduce my girlfriend, so she shifted her gear into sulking mode. That according to her was worse than Nantaba who was throwing her dady into our faces. My sin was incomparable even when no innocent soul lost life. So she zipped up her mouth and all other relevant feelings till evening. She even went to bed early and responded to my “what’s wrong sweetie” with “I am OK”. I chose to ignore because there was a premiership game where Liverpool was trying to commit suicide. But the more I enjoyed the game, the more she sunk into madness. In love it is a sin to be happy when your partner is completely not.

The match ended a little earlier and by the time I sneaked into the bed, she was breathing like she had postponed the fight to Monday. But soon after she woke up saying she had a notice to issue. I pleaded to be allowed to sleep and handle it in a broad daylight and she refused saying it couldn’t wait. So she handled it in a broad night darkness.

Her proposal was simple she announced, she she concluded that there was no peace in this home, and there was no prospect for it soon. She had monitored my phone over the past week and come to a conclusion that she would give up trying to turn me into a holy person and righteous person.

Privately I didn’t know that my wife this time was trying to make me holy and righteous person. How can she hate me so much! What do I do with holiness and righteousness in a country where all of you are human and therefore eveil! It is like dressing up in white and walk through quagmire. But it is even God’s design for mankind to be holy and righteous. If it wa, how nobody is from Pope to Ntagali. Even the bible acknowledges that all have sinned and run short of God’s glory so has my wife become a miracle worker, making me holy against God’s wish.

I was musing over this and didn’t hear what else my sins were. I was woken out of my thoughts by her bomb. Brexit, she was done. Our relationship had to end. She declared. Let’s be civilians. She is tired of rivals, pain chasing after an dysfunctional marriage and so many things. She didn’t want to die of HIV, stress or any other disease that kills married people. Usually, the solution for disappointment from checking a husband’s phone should be to avoid the phone all together. But my wife was in destruction mode. This mosquito had to be killed and it was dead already.

“End this relationship” at this time! With all stakeholders and integration. How were we going to disentangle? And why? And as a reader, I know how bad marriages can be. And comparatively, ours is glittering. So it was not about me, she must have landed on some guy she deemed better and decided to camouflage in my phone evidence in order to belt out but blame me. I told her that much and she said her decision was final and irrevocable. And that she had forwarded the farming evidence to my phone. I didn’t check the phone then…
Instead I started to put the issue into fresh perspective, bachelorhood again. I will need a new life, new girlfriend and woman.

So I called to mind the women who would replace her in shortlist and it was endless. I spent some considerable time cutting the list to 250. Then another hour of intense eviction to painfully bring names down to 147. Surprisingly it started to excite me, I realized that the only pitiable stakeholders were you my country men who could get busy arguing over reasons why we separated. And wondering how a man who spends time repairing other people’s marriages gets bundled out of his own.

But for me I had spread my wings high. I would announce my freedom, storm fun places again, eat my millions alone, travel the world, sampling music, resort to alcohol and women. Did I say women? No I meant women, I no longer had the trigger – happy police.

By 5am in the morning. I was excited about waking up a free hunting, dangerous and marouding single man! Then I checked my phone for killer messages and you won’t believe this!!
There in were three WhatsApp messages. Hello sweetheart, I love you and then emojis of laughter. Oh ahaha🤣🤣😂 I have fooled you. All of a sudden my excitement of bachelorhood crashed down like a pack of cards. No freedom I had fooled you. No nothing at all.
Hahahaha 🤣🤣

She was in my mind but I couldn’t say “I love you”.

samuelkato06@gmail.com

There is really no limit to the amount of times a person can fall in love in their lifetime. It depends a lot on opportunity, circumstances and how you personally define “love”, but we all all know the first time we actually told someone we loved them. For me, it happened while at campus. At first I thought they only happen in movies and so I couldn’t give it a try until one day I remember very well.

It was on Saturday evening after school and Meron and I were walking from campus. A day blustery with fierce, biting wind. A nor’easter wind had been blowing in since the previous morning and while we walked, we’d had to stand close to each other and stay warm. Meron had her arm looped through mine and we were walking slowly, even more slowly than usual and I could tell she wasn’t feeling well. She hadn’t really wanted to walk with me because of the weather but I had asked her because of my friends. It was the time I remember that they knew about us. The only problem as fate would have it was that no one ever saw her visit me home.

Meron and I had been friends for quite good months and shared a lot in common. But she was so quiet as we walked and that is when I knew she was thinking of the way to tell me something. I didn’t expect her to start the conversation as she did. “People think am strange, I don’t know?” She finally said breaking the silence.
“Who do you mean?” I asked even though I knew the answer. “The people at school”. No, they don’t, I lied. I kissed her cheek as I squeezed her arm a little tighter to me. She winced and I could tell that I had hurt her somehow. “Are you okay?” I asked concerned. “I am fine” she said ragaining her composure and keeping the subject on track. “Will you do me a favour, though?” “Any time” I said. “Will you promise to tell me the truth from now on, I mean always?” “Sure” I said.

She stopped me suddenly and looked right at me. “Are you lying to me right now?” “No,” I said defensively wondering where this was going. “I promise from now on, I will always tell you the truth”. Somehow when I said it, I knew I had come to regret it. We started walking again. As we moved down the streets of Mbarara, I could sense her heartbeats were not that normal. Meron seemed disheartened and we walked a little farther in silence past Alsaints Church.

“Do you think am strange?” She asked me. The way she said it made me ache more than I thought it would. We were almost at her house before I stopped her and held her close to me. I kissed her and when we pulled apart, she looked down at the ground. I put my finger beneath her chin, lifting her head up and making her look at me again. “You’re a wonderful person, Meron, you’re beautiful, you’re kind, you’re gentle………… you’re everything that I would like to be. If people don’t think like you or they say you’re strange, then that is their problem.

In the dark glow of cold weather, I could see her lower lip begin to tremble. Mine was doing the same thing, speeding up as well. I looked in her eyes smiling with all the feeling I could muster, knowing that I couldn’t keep the words inside any longer.

“I LOVE YOU, Meron” I said to her. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me”. It was the first time I had ever said such words to a person besides our family member. When I had imagined saying it to someone else, I had somehow thought it would be hard but it wasn’t. I had never been more sure about anything. After saying that, I didn’t care what her reply would be but my diction was fulfilled.

Even if you ask me what her reply was, I can’t tell. Only what I remember is that as soon as I said the words, Meorn bowed her head down and started blushing in little smiles. I wrapped my arms around her wondering how she felt about my volition.
Guess what next… Keep you posted.
By Casa.

Memories worth to remember.

samuelkato06@gmail.com

Today’s marks complete two years since I had my first kiss. It was on Friday to be precise and I had invited Meron (My classmate) to visit me at home for dinner. She asked her parents and they gave her permission to come over. This is because Meron and I lived in the same neighborhood and her father knew almost everything about me, so there was no way she could be stopped.

At around 6pm, I hard a knock and the gate and because I was expecting a visitor, I volunteered to open it myself. In a small hole in the gate, my eyes fell on a smart beautiful lady dressed in tight blue jeans and yellow top blouse. By then my parents knew what exactly was going on and so all the meals were prepared on time. We all sat at the dinning table and prayed in unison to have our meals. We ate in silence and later shared a light moment of laughters. My parents went a head to thank Meron for having made it a point to visit and have dinner with us.

After dinner I asked Meron if I could walk her home because it wasn’t that late. Even though it was rainy season and there was coldness out, we put on our coarts and stepped out into the chilled cold air. I could see our breaths coming out in little puffs.

“Your parents are wonderful people” she said to me. I guess she hadn’t taken my Dad’s comments so serious. “They are nice”, I responded. “In their own way, my dad is especially sweet”. I said this not only because it was true but it was the same thing other students said about Meron at campus. I thought she would get a hint.
All of a sadden she stopped looking at me as we walked outside the gate. On my first step on the road, she asked me again, “Do your parents think we are in love?” I didn’t answer right away and she turned to me. She was staring at my feet and suddenly I realized she had wanted me to say yes. It’s what she would have done without thinking twice.

Why do you do things like this? I blurted out before I could stop myself, blood rushing into my cheeks making me feel guilty, I mean I wasn’t sure of the answer. She reached out and got hold of my elbow from behind and deep down I knew she was hurt. But that decision if it ever came was a long way. To my way of thinking, I had more important things on my mind. I changed the subject to something I could relate to better.
“Does your father like me?” I asked. I wanted to know if James (Her father) would allow me to meet her again. It took a moment for her to answer. “My father”, she said slowly, “worries about me”. “Don’t all parents?” I asked. She looked at her feet then off to the side again before turning back to me. I think that with him, it’s different from the most. But my father likes you and he knows that it makes me happy to see you. That is why he let me come over to your house for dinner tonight.
“I am glad he did” I said meaning it. “So I am”. We looked at each other under the light of a waxing crescent moon and I almost missed her right then but she turned away a moment too soon and said something sort of threw me.

“My father worries about you too, Casa”. The way she said it was soft and sad at the same time; let me that it wasn’t simply because he thought I wasn’t irresponsible! “Why?” I asked. For a reason that I don’t know. She didn’t elaborate anything further and I knew right then that she was holding something back, something that made her sad as well. But it wasn’t until later that I learnt her secret.

Being in love with a girl like Meron was without a doubt the starngest thing I had ever been through. Not only was she a girl that I had never thought about before even though we were friends in highschool but there was something different in the whole way my feelings for her had unfolded.

At around 8pm in the night, we entered the gate to her home and the first thing I noticed was that her father’s car wasn’t in the driveway. She asked me if I could enter and walk her upto the doorstep. She motioned to the chairs arranged at the balcony. “My father is not home but we can sit here if you would like!”

Don’t even ask me how it happened because I still can’t explain it. One second I was standing there infront of her expecting to walk to the side of the chair and in the next second I wasn’t. Instead of moving towards the chairs, I took a step closer to her and found myself reaching for her hand. I took it in mine and looked right at her, moving just a little closer.

She didn’t exactly step back but her eyes widened just a little and for a tiny flickering moment, I thought I had done the wrong thing and debated going any further. I paused and smiled sort of tilting my head to the side, the next thing I saw was that she had closed her eyes and was tilting her head too. At time our faces were moving closer togehter.

It wasn’t that long and it certainly wasn’t the kind of a kiss that you see in movies these days, but it was wonderful in its own way and all I can remember is that when our lips first touched, I knew the memory would last forever…..

Long live my best moment.

By Casa.

Don’t ever get obsessed to someone.

samuelkato06@gmail.com

I met this girl at campus several times in my first semester but never got to say hullo. She was so fine. She looked so smart and whenever I could see her, I couldn’t breath. Mind you am a fresher. One day I met her at the campus gate though it was the evening, I had no ways to approach her. I just paused for a minute as I watched her flexing her muscles to the direction of her hostel.

In the evening when I got home, I picked up my phone and called my brother. “Hi bro!, I just met this girl in campus but how do I get next her?” Man, ‘He said’, listen to me. Come-on my brother. At first actually I thought my brother was more of a Marvin Gayle. For those who know him, he is just 7years older than me. He continued, “your tripping your fouls” I was a bit confused on how actually I was going to make it up to her.
My brother asked what I was going to do at the time. He said, now what you are going to do tomorrow when you see her, walk up to her and say, ‘excuse me girl, I don’t want to disrupt your day but it would really make my day if you tell me your name!” After saying that, walk away.

The next day morning, I woke up on sounds of Mario with I choose you playing on capital fm. I dressed up in my best cloths walked up to campus. As soon as I reached at the main building, I saw her seated right up the balcony. I walked to her and said, “Hullo! I don’t want to disrupt your day but it would make my day if you tell me your name”. She said, “Am Lindah. Thank you, I said and walked away.

In the evening when I reached my hostel, I picked up my phone again to talk to my brother about it. I said, “Hi bro! I did like you told me but I can’t figure out on what to do next?” He said to me, the next time you see her, walk to her and introduce yourself. Tell her that it makes your day when you say hello and she replies with your name. I said, “Thank you” then cut off the call.

So the next day I saw her, I walked up to her and said, “hello Lindah!, I would like to tell you my name because every time I greet you and you say my name back, it makes my day. Am Casa. She nodded in agreement. I said, “now let’s try this” Hello Linda!” Hello Casa! She replied and then I walked away.
In the even when I got back to my hostel, I repeated the same thing of asking my brother about the next step because I really wanted to be that close to her. My brother asked, “Did you do what I told you?” Yes, ‘I said’ but what do I do next. He said to me, ” first of all bro, don’t sound like your so anxious, slow your rouls. You got to get smooth on this journey. So this is what your to do. When you see her walk to her and when she replies, act like it has knocked you off” I was like act like I have been knocked off?! My brother asked, “did you walk way like I have been instructing you to do in previous meetings? Yes, ‘I said’. Then what do you think, he asked me and cut off his call. I stayed a bit lost but later clicked the point.

The next day I walked to her and said, “Hi Lindah”. “Hi Casa!” She replied. I said, Oohh….!! with a smile and I walked away. That day I reached home and I was happy. Every person I met on the way could easily realize that there was something special with me. I enter my room and picked up my phone to call my brother and explain how it went down. He asked me, “what happened?” I heard all her girlfriends saying woooow…..! I said. He said, “now bro calm down, your winning. Now listen to me. Do you have some dimes in your wallet?” I said, “Yes, I have got a few one hundred thousand with myself”. He said, “Now what you’re going to do next time you see her, ask her if you can take her out”. Then I walk away? I asked. He said, “you have to wait for the answer” then he cut off his call.

The next two days I didn’t see her in campus, I had started thinking maybe she was sick but I took it so light. On the third day, it was a Friday. I walked up to her and said, “Hello Lindah!” Hello Casa, she replied. At the moment I felt a bluff of air out of my chest. I said, “Lindah, listen to me, I would want to know you more. I would like to take you out and maybe we sit at the restaurant and share a slice of Pizza”. She said, “that would be nice, when do you want to do that?” When would you like to come? I asked. “This even maybe after my lecture”, she replied.
I was there shivering and so nervous looking for what to do and so she said, “Where do you want me to meet you?” Would you come to pick me up?” Mind you I never had a car and when she talked of picking her, I felt my adrenaline change. You know ninjers never die. I said, “I will come and pick you myself because I wouldnt like to see you walk alone on the streets”. She said, “Oh My God! That is so sweet. Yes come and pick me”.
In the evening I walked to her door to pick her up, I found a number of girls in her room and side hello to them. In a minute she detached herself from her room dressed in her right blue jeans. She was so cute that I couldn’t even resits what I saw. I said and galloped our arms together and walked away through the main entrance.
I know this keeps you guessing but the rest is necessary in the next episode🙏

My parents cant stop forcing me to marry yet am not ready.

samuelkato06@gmail.com

Here’s the situation. My parents stay in village and I migrated to Mbarara town but unfortunately for me, they still cling to the ridiculous and outdated cultural norms from Africans among them that I have to get married to someone of the same race and tribe. My parents have been nagging me for a long time, and according to them, soon I’ll be too old yet I just celebrated my 25th birthday.

Their primary worry, I think, is that since I’m fairly attractive (not bragging) and tend to hang out with women a lot, that I’m some sort of super-player. The truth is, I’ve always preferred female friends, and I’m literally too busy to sleep around. I’m a teacher and IT specialist working 70 hours a week-this is on the lower end for an ordinary person and besides that am involved in the tourism things. Am writing a novel, and need time to socialize, lest I turn into a zombie with no social skills, as most of my colleagues are. Needless to say, I barely even have time to write this out, much less flirting. I spend most of my time at work trying to make money and sustain my life.

But my mom is always trying to set me up to get married, and as I mentioned, she only sees people of the same race and tribe as acceptable(Banyankore). I find this racist and classiest, I dislike the idea of an arranged marriage to begin with, and find it illogical. See, the statistical chance of finding a soulmate is low, and when you narrow down the odds that much, it’s almost impossible. To my opinion though I think for someone to get married, it starts with your mind. It’s a feeling that grows into you unexpectedly of which I haven’t experienced.

Besides, I think I’d make a terrible husband. I mean, what stereotypes can you think of when I say busy person. Yes, I bet you’ll say greedy, arrogant and selfish. I’m not particularly greedy, but the other two apply to me. Besides, as I mentioned above, I’m too busy to give someone the proper attention they deserve from a husband. I’m also emotionally unavailable. Worst of all, I happen to be in love with someone who didn’t like me and is now married with a child.

Even though I mentioned these things to my mother (minus the part about being in love, as she thinks relationships and love are improper), she’s so stuck in the “what will everyone think of us” state of mind and is constantly pressuring me. She and my dad both completely disregard my opinion and keep pressuring me.

Every conversation I ever have with them turns into an argument, and it’s really starting to annoy me.
How do I address this situation? I’ve told my parents firmly that I’m not interested, but they keep bringing it up and use my sister who is 4years old now and stays with them at home as their mouthpiece every time I visit home. whenever I ignore them, they use my cousin sister who stays near me in town. What do I do..
My readers I need your help,!!

By Casa

Thoughts of a single person on a Valentine’s day.

samuelkato06@gmail.com

Punishment can’t fix something you never did wrong. I’ve spent way too much of my adulthood learning this lesson so I thought I’d help others cut to the chase. For our purposes here I’m speaking of self-punishment, as our parents no longer have jurisdiction. It’s the self-punishment single people keep partaking in, on the assumption that all this swiping, messaging, dating, and aftermath will all add up to something eventually.

We think we can earn a relationship by suffering “enough” in dating, so we put up with the punishment of a broken dating culture, thinking it will earn us love. But what if we always deserved love from the beginning? What then is the point of punishment?

This theory applies in plenty of scenarios (remember your shitty dates?) but here let’s focus our efforts on singlehood and “finding love,” a phrase that only belongs in 90s-era romantic dramas where someone always owns a house. Let’s explore the trash notion that you can somehow suffer your way out of singlehood. Take my hand, but don’t because of pandemic, and walk with me down this mental pathway:
Being single sucks
Dating is a nightmare
Not dating feels like I’m not doing enough
Maybe I should try more dating
Oh god this really sucks. Why is it always this bad?

I don’t understand why this is so hard, everyone else is finding someone, why can’t I find someone, why do I only find dating nightmares and horror stories that my married friends want to hear about? Haven’t I suffered enough? When is it my turn? Being single sucks

Familiar? If not, you’re free to stop reading this, and I’m very happy for you and the gentle life you do lead. If however this is familiar to you, there are a few things we need to rewrite about the dating cycle itself, namely. The fact that being single doesn’t actually suck and you don’t have to date if you don’t want to. It isn’t talked about much, but even if you don’t date, you’re still allowed to meet someone. It’s still possible to meet someone just…in life, because we’re all human beings that are alive and interacting and at some point I’m sure one of the people you interact with will be your spouse. We are not items in a shelf, we are human beings. We don’t have to be shopped for. Still, I know it’s hard to let go of our attachment to dating, because we’ve been pretty groomed to think that’s how we’ll get married. I don’t know man, I dated for a 3years and didn’t even have one relationship result from it, so I’m thinkin’ dating isn’t really the way out.

Maybe realizing we never had to be in singlehood misery in the first place is though. Right now, I want you to pay close attention to one thing in particular: Your turn. I’ve heard this phrase in my work more times than I can count.
“When is it my turn?”
“Shouldn’t it be my turn by now?”
“I’ve tried everything, I’ve done everything, I can’t stop wanting it to be my turn!”

There are no turns. Your entire life is “your turn.” This way of thinking reiterates to us that dating is a space where effort, or suffering, matches reward. But effort and suffering in dating never have to amount to a damn thing, because dating stories don’t promise anything, and dating in real life doesn’t either. Dating can suck as much as it wants to and it never has to give you anything in return. We’re still going to keep coming back to dating, because we’ve been led to believe that dating is how you “find someone.” No matter how many times dating proves to us, over and over again, that it isn’t. We think if we just keep going, just keep trying, he’s got to be in there somewhere.
If, at this point, you feel like you’ve been swindled by dating culture and our dependence on it, please forgive yourself.

We’ve all been there. The cool part is, we can choose to leave. I did this shit for a literal decade before I quit and decided instead to just live my life and see what happens. I didn’t “swear off dating” or decide to be single forever. I simply chose to stop putting myself through the hell of our current dating culture. I deleted all romantic movies two years ago and I never downloaded them again. The question I get most often is “well then how many guys have you met?” The same number I met in 3years of dating, sweetie: Zero. The difference is, now I’m happy.

A word on “chances,” because I hear (constantly) how men who walk away from a dating space that makes them miserable feel like they’re not “doing enough” to find someone and end their singleness. In my opinion they don’t have to do anything, because being single is not a plague they have to cure, but I’ll humor them here. I have the same “chances” of meeting someone without dating as I did while I was dating, as proven by the fact that dating never delivered anything resembling a relationship to me. We’re so reluctant to walk away from a punishing dating world because we’re somehow convinced he’s just one swipe away.

No Valentine’s for me but happy celebrations to the loved ones.

Make your Valentine’s day a memorable one.

Grab yourself a cup of coffee to soothe your throat with loved one in the morning.

For all the entire week, I have been preparing for this day. I knew that I was not going to be able to celebrate because of being single. But maybe I can burry the hatchet and make myself feel loved.


We all know Valentine’s day brings in the season of watching some romantic passion filled and ardent movies with your darling. A candlelight dinner, soft music, dim light and a romantic movie are the main ingredients for a special day’s celebration. So what are you waiting for, boost up your romantic moment and live in the romantic spirit this Valentine’s.

This Valentine’s, one can choose from a multiple options of romantic movies and make the day most memorable. It will certainly help you to express the feeling with unspoken words.

The list of romantic movies in Hollywood industry is quite long. These are really heart warming, touching and extremely romantic ones. Some of the most popular romantic movies are briefed below:

  1. Casablanca:
    Casablanca of 1942 is still watched with same fun and romantic awe as it spelled its magic earlier. It is simply the greatest love story ever made in the Hollywood industry. The characters were so moving and deeply associated with their roles which created a real life scene in the movie.
  2. Breakfast at Tiffany’s: To spend cheerful and happy moments of laughter with your mate, then this Hollywood movie is a perfect answer. A very soft, loving and a light-hearted love story defining the performance of Audrey Hepburn as a call-girl.
  3. Love Story:
    It is a simple yet unforgettable movie. The movie revolves around the duo madly in love with each other. The boy in the movie belongs to a rich family who marries his poor love who get sick and dies later on. The movie had very hearty and touchy vibes.
  4. Titanic:
    A fictional love story of Kate Winslett and Leonardo is simple and beautiful based on historical sinking of the gigantic Titanic. Audience saw the sinking of Titanic through the eyes of these two lovers.
  5. Pretty Woman:
    It is a magnanimous love story about a wealthy businessman falling for effervescent hooker. Roberts and Gear an incredible on-screen chemistry. The movie seems to be a so natural and convincing which helped it earn rave reviews.
    6.City of Angels:
    City of Angels is a heart-touching love story which reflects about life and death. The story seems to be realistic and touches the soul as an angel named Nicolas gives up eternity in heaven to be with a woman on Earth.
  6. Love Actually: The movie ‘Love Actually’ is a comedy, drama and a superb love story. There are 8 story-lines with different love stories. The movie makes a statement “Love actually is all around”. The director has beautifully presented different facets of emotions. Love triumphs, fails, begins, ends and love is born anew.
  7. A walk to Remember: (My favourite)
    Teens Beat pin-ups Mandy Moore and Shane West star as high school seniors Jamie and Landon. Landon, the glamorous bad boy in Beaufort, spends most of his time with friends, partying and pumping up their own egos. After one of their pranks seriously injures a boy, Landon’s sentence is to tutor a disadvantaged kid, sweep up, and star in the school play(!). Landon keeps running into Jamie, a plain, Bible-toting girl who always wears the same sweater and does not care what other people think about her. He asks her for help learning his lines. When he sees her for the first time on opening night, all dolled up to play a nightclub singer (apparently their play had no dress rehearsals), it turns out that she is very pretty. He finds himself drawn to her, and, through her, drawn to a better notion of his own potential. With all the above, I ask you to chose at least one or two and surely you won’t remain the same after Valentine’s. Spread some love this Valentine’s.

By Casa

How important is our relationship!

Let every person benefit in a relationship they are engaged in but not one sided.

In 2020, I spent a lot of time thinking and writing about relationships, and I wanted to think more deeply about when and where relationships work, and when and where they fail. I wanted for my own sake to figure out how it is that other people have power over me. If they do, and my emotional response to what happens in my relationships. I wanted time to reconsider who I hold close to me.

I’m not sure why this emerged this past year specifically natural outcome of a certain age, of my living situation, where I realised that living with other people (something I hadn’t previously done much of) is often difficult, and the emergence of a very important new relationship. Why do some relationships just click, and others don’t?

Thinking through these questions, I realised more and more that there are those out there who are incredibly valuable to me. They add so much to my life; they enrich me. And hopefully I can do that for them, too. But then there are others, who are not so valuable. It sounds harsh to say someone isn’t ‘valuable’ but the reality is that not everyone wishes us well. I have certainly been that person at times. It happens to all of us in different contexts. One thing I am guilty of, though, is wanting the approval of others too strongly. Perhaps one too many gold stars as a kid meant that I’m forever looking out for opportunities to collect gold stars. Even from people who would never, ever, hand one out.

This is starting to change now. It’s not a matter of disliking people. It’s just a simple realisation that not everyone is going to inspire a relationship that is worth the same level of effort and care — and the hard reality is that we have limited time. The relationships that we do cultivate need to feel like the right ones.

So in that vein, I sat down today to think through the no-go list for my 2020. The list of people who are, plain and simple, not worth my time or respect. The difficulty is often in the discovery — realising that certain friendships will only ever exist on a certain level. And while this list is by no means exhaustive, it does include many of the insidious types who can masquerade as worthy-of-your-efforts. They can often feel like types you should seek approval from. But toxicity comes to light, eventually. I offer you my list of people for whom, I’m afraid, I ain’t got the time…

Note: doesn’t include more obvious types, like abusers, bullies and sociopaths, etc. Here are the everyday nasties that make for tough relationships…

The insidious traits of toxicity and ways to deal with them.

1.The Jealous Types.

There are warnings old as the Bible about those who covet others’ things, and so while it’s not news that the jealous ones are to be avoided, the reality is that it’s sometimes hard to spot them. The jealous types who are insidiously so, tend to be the ones that subtly undermine your confidence. Whether it’s putting down your ideas, laughing at things you care about, or flat out ignoring something positive that has happened in your life. The jealous types are out there to quietly seethe, and sometimes this comes out in weird ways.

Do they belittle your achievements? Do they constantly compare themselves to you? Ask yourself: do I feel like this person is actually happy for me when good things happen? Are they only ‘available’ selectively (perhaps in moments that are worse for you, but better for them)? What is it that feeds your relationship?

  1. The Naysayers.

Otherwise known as “The Critics”. For every big idea you have, this is the person who is ready to tell you how it’s not original enough, or it’s impossible, or it really isn’t that good of an idea anyway, or you’re too old, too poor, too silly, too whatever, to achieve it. Constructive criticism is a whole other bag, and it’s not out of bounds for a friend to be honest and express constructive thoughts if they are genuinely concerned about you or your wellbeing.

However, you can spot the Naysayer/Critic, because you feel the anxiety of their judgment before you even have the chance to share what you’re thinking. Sometimes this is just your internal anxiety talking, and if they react well, you might feel less worried the next time around. But if they’ve given you reason to doubt in the past, and you are always on edge about what you intend to share, and time and again things feel the same, there might be something more serious at work.

3.The Responsibility-Shirkers
Also known as the “Unavailable Friend”. Those who do their best not to act or speak, when it really is up to them, are the Responsibility Shirkers. They mysteriously fall silent when they should speak, or count themselves out when they should appear. It’s a little like lying by omission. Someone who doesn’t stand up for you, who doesn’t seem to be on your team, and who, when you ask for help from them, will look for ways to suggest they shouldn’t be involved/it shouldn’t be up to them anyway. The person who always bows out of what’s important. This kind of Unavailable Friend will likely also ask for your help, your time, and your support. They just don’t reciprocate.

I have known someone who, when I was really struggling, remarked simply, “I don’t really think I’m the one to talk to about that.” Which meant that we never did. A line was very clearly drawn. And while you don’t have to accept talking through issues with your friends (and it is important to know your own boundaries), it’s important to differentiate between when that is just a particular boundary versus a universal opting out of the friendship support.

A clear line is helpful, but a complete cop out of all emotional interest can indicate that this person isn’t familiar with the exchange involved in close relationships. If they struggle to hold down any close connections (romantic or otherwise), that can be a sign, too.

4.The Emotionally Draining and Drama Cultivators
Some people are just hard work, and they like it that way. And if you like drama too, then congrats! No problems here. But for many of us, there will be people who are extremely emotionally taxing, most of the time. You can tell because afterwards you feel drained. If the person demands constant reassurance, constant support, and perhaps relies on gossip and drama to fuel things, then you might have an Emotional Drainer or Drama Cultivator on your hands.

These people are not necessarily types to cut away, but it is important to recognise your own boundaries and limitations with their high demands, lest you get pulled too deep into matters that leave you feeling empty.

5.The Stonewallers and Ghosters
People with whom it’s almost impossible to talk through issues, who shut down conversation before it really can begin… It’s just too hard to really get through to each other, if you proceed from a point of closing down all opportunities for connection and communication. There’s really no good way this can go long term; you feel resentful and angry at being ignored or shut down, and they never engage. Where can you really go from there?

For many of us, the reaction to feeling cut off may be to demand attention, or perhaps to ignore back. Ghosters tend to bring out bizarre behaviour in many, as being ignored is really hard to deal with, and quite an unsatisfying way to leave things. If they reappear routinely when things suit them better, it might be worth mentioning how this behaviour affects you, if it does. Again, recognise how much of this you are willing to put up with. Make it clear to them.

Some of us do retreat into our own world when we’re under pressure or stressed or depressed, but it can be hard to differentiate between this and a desire not to engage in general when the going gets tough. Either way, this can still upset a relationship, and it’s important to make it known how you feel.

6.The Status-Obsessives
I really do not care about someone’s Instagram, Facebook or Whatsapp. Sorry. I really don’t care if hanging out with so and so is an important status point . I don’t care about the brand of your car or your wrist watch or your whatever. I don’t care for you to compete and contrast your x with my y. For this reason, I find the Status-Obsessives and particularly problematic.

How to Tell if Your Friend Is a Narcissist.
I’ve written extensively on how to spot a narcissist in your life, and encourage you to take a look at this in more detail if you aren’t quite sure what you’re dealing with. And if you’re certain that’s what’s going on, think carefully about the person’s role in your life — these types are very hard to deal with, and can cause a lot of damage if not carefully considered.

A few important conclusions…
I want to finish by saying that some people can have hints of these traits, but still be good friends much of the time. Recognising these qualities is not just about understanding what goes wrong if and when it does, but also helps us to articulate to the person to help both you and them grow or change into the relationship. I firmly believe that if there are things that feel wrong in a relationship, it can still be very much worth addressing and trying to move the relationship in a better direction. But you have to know your limitations and boundaries for this to be the case. Observation and self-reflection are key.

So thank you, to all these people who appear and disappear from life. They have all taught me a lot about relationships, what’s possible and how great and how destructive they can be. Knowledge is power, and with more lessons learned, I am better able to communicate the good and the bad that goes on in my relationships going forward. I hope some of this gives you food for thought, to do likewise.

By Casa.

Being single started with my character.

Boys who were single in highschool make good boyfriends at old age.

samuelkato06@gmail.com

As a strong eyed teenager ready to enter the Halls of a two year long prison sentence we called highschool. The prospect of being thrown into an entirely new sea of female fish was one of the top things I was looking forward to. Much to my surprise, this ‘sea’ was just a slightly enlarged, but just as homogenous fish bowl with little room to grow and discover.

Don’t get me wrong, as a freshman in a new mixed school after having spent my last four years in a single sex school. I was always on the lookout for anyone to crush on. From dateable dancers to relationship worthy readers. I went about a total of one week without having a crush on some random girl I knew nothing about. Trust me, it was bad!

At one point I recalculated the routes to all my classes so I would have greater chance at bumping into whichever girl I was crushing on. My encounters with girls I liked defined the courses of my days and dictated my attitude for a long time. I thought that the romantic relationship was the answer to all my problems, that there was a simple cure to the sadness, anger, frustration and stress. All symptoms of typical teenage hormones, I thought that cure was having a grilfriend.

I tried to change my interests, my image and my character to appear more attractive and desirable to each new girl. I was fine with changing who I was to be with who I wanted. Needless to say, my chameleon like tactics never quite worked. I wanted this same chain of events to appear in milder forms with people around me as well. I watched as friends changed themselves to be in relationships and change even further as their relationships progressed. For some reason, even as friends grew distant and the identities of people I had trusted transformed. I continued to believe that I needed a relationship to be happy.

Each failed date I went on revealed on a new embarrassing quality and weird characteristics that made me feel more undesired and unwanted. From talking about poop in first conversation to spontaneously breaking into gangsta songs. There was always something wrong with who I was to teach new suitor. I wasted hours, weeks and months trying to figure out which character traits I could afford to abandon. I had too many funny stories to stop talking about and I was preoccupied with changing who I was to appear desirable to someone else that I almost abandoned the qualities I like most about myself.

I can’t tell you the definitive movement where things began to change for me. There was no moment of epiphany or ground shining realization. Gradually I began to value the time I spent worrying about other people. It took an incredibly long time for me to realize that maybe I didn’t need to give up on any of these traits at all, maybe the only thing I needed to give was time.

The last year turned out to be quite the roller coaster for me. Curved balls were thrown left right and each triumph was met by an equally influential tragedy. Without the other halft to depend on over the last two years, I had no choice but develop myself as a whole and appreciate myself and all my annoying quirks, irrational opinions and unique qualities.

While other people sought validation in opinions of others, I sought validation in preparing for my future and loving who I was in the present. Discovering what I’m passionate about and what I truly love to do have been some of the most rewarding Revelations I have found. I have learned how to deal with pressures and stresses that have torn apart so many couples on my own and I have discovered not only what makes me happy but why different things make me happy.

I am still filled with cracks that need to be mended. There plenty of holes in my philosophies and weird habits that I probably would be better off changing. I am by noeans rid of all my issues. What can I say though is that am willing to be patient with myself in figuring out more on who I am and working through my problems at my own speed nd future significance. Others will have to be just patient with me as well.

As I embark on my mid 20s, next year I look forward to seeing whatever my next fish bowl, lake, river or sea holds. I am incredibly excited to meet new people and find friends who will help me grow and learn at my own pace. I have hopes that my next year’s will be filled with love and not only for other people but also love for myself.

To all single gents and ladies out there, take sometime to try something new and get to know yourself. I have a feeling you will be surprised with what you will find.
By Casa